To The Boy Who Kind of Wasted My Time

Eight months is a really long time. It’s about as long as a school year. Almost a full term pregnancy. The length of a world tour. I spent eight months waiting for the boy I pined over in high school.

You came into my life out of nowhere and I wasn’t sure what you’re intentions were. You had a girlfriend back then and were hundreds of miles away and yet I spent more time talking to you than some of my closest friends. When you moved back to our home town I was so excited, finally something could happen. You were single, I was single. Some of the comments you’d make gave me hope that you liked me too. We have fun together whether that’s just talking or going out for dinner. You made me laugh, forget about my worries, and a constant person to talk to.

I always felt like you were in charge of our relationship. You started this whole thing in the first place. You led me on for eight months. And the night I finally decided, yes, something is going to happen you got so drunk you threw up in my kitchen sink twice and passed out on my living room couch. Thanks for the funny story though I will make sure to tell it years down the line.

And then last night everything came to a crushing end. “But if you’re looking for a relationship or at least monogamy I’m just not there.” So how many girls were you talking to in the last eight months? How many other girls do you plan on getting with next? How many of them were cooler than me or just better?

This was a conversation we should have had months ago, but I was scared. I always felt like you were in charge of our relationship. All the plans we talked about, the things we wanted to do together, you were probably going to do with someone else too.

I can’t say I regret it, because you did make me really happy for eight months. But I can say I’m so pissed at you and wish this wasn’t how we ended. I know you’re hurt, because of someone else. You’re probably scared and think hooking up with a bunch of other people might make you forget that long relationship ever happened, but it won’t. That relationship did happen and it stopped you from trying to start another one.

So I’ll just say thank you. Thank you for coming into my life when I never thought you would. Thank you for being someone to talk to and about to all my friends. Thank you for making me miss my first formal. Thank you for throwing up in my kitchen sink. Thank you for being a friend, even though I have enough of those. And thank you for kind of wasting my time.